How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)

No one blames themselves, not even criminals, no matter how wrong they are
Criticism is futile and does nothing but cause defensiveness and resentment
You would act the same if in similar situations and temperament
Creatures of emotion, not logic

Everyone desires to be important and appreciated
How you get your feeling of importance defines your character
Schwab succeeded purely because he was able to arouse enthusiasm within his people. Appreciation and encouragement
Not the same as flattery. That’s insincere and often tells them what they think they want to hear.
Every man I meet is my superior in some way

Influence by asking people what THEY want and how they can get it. You catch fish by baiting with what it desires, not with what you do

Smile genuinely! At everyone! And in all circumstances!

Take time to learn and remember names!

Little is more flattering then giving someone your exclusive attention

Start off discussing something that interests the other person. Talking about what they treasure warms them up

Little phrases like I’m sorry to trouble you, would you be so kind, would you mind, etc show appreciation and break up monotony
Almost everyone feels superior to you in some way. Sure way to their hearts is showing recognition in a subtle and sincere way

Arguing may “win” you an academic victory, but not someone’s good will. Proving them wrong only causes resentment. What’s the point of correcting them? Allow them their pride

Proving something to someone must be done subtly, not outright to show them they’re wrong. Difficult to change someone’s mind. Dont make it harder
Magic in the phrase: I might be wrong. Frequently am.
Won’t harm you to admit you can be wrong. Disarms other side and helps them be more fair and not combative
The idea isn’t what’s important. It’s the self esteem behind it. Don’t assault that.
Lead them to the idea. Dont immediately prove them wrong
We admit to ourselves when we are wrong. And may admit it to others if discussed gently and tactfully. But may hold onto it if pressed abrasively
Respect opinions and never tell them they’re wrong

Be quick to admit you’re wrong
If you know you’ll be rebuked, better to beat them to it

Gentleness, friendliness, and starting with a drop of honey will accomplish far more than coming in guns blazing

Rather than arguing, lead the other person to the issue by asking questions they’ll respond “yes” to
Let them feel the idea is their own. Works much better them telling them outright
Sympathize with their point of view, and say so out loud and sincerely
Most people have multiple motives. Appeal to the noble one. Compliment them on noble tendencies or personalities, leading them to what’s needed, rather than ordering them outright

Sometimes the truth isn’t enough. Need to makebit vivid and dramatic

The best motivator is the work itself. Cultivate an environment of engaging (but friendly) competition. Throw down a challenge

Criticism must be led with praise and appreciation. It’s like novacaine before dental work
Indirectly call attention to mistakes. Ex: do it correctly while they’re watching and not saying anything.
Don’t praise, then use “but” and criticize. Find a way to use “and” to indirectly call attention to the issue

Criticize yourself before criticizing others. Let them know you’ve made the same mistakes

Instead of orders, make suggestions. Allow others to make their own choices and succeed or fail. Saves pride and instills importance
***Asking questions makes an “order” palatable, stimulates creativity, and allows them to take part in the decision

Praise improvements, even if slight

Give a person a high reputation and state it. Let them live up to it. “You have a history of fine work…”